Chocolates are good companion on a depressing day . the weather is dark and gloomy and it has filled my soul with a melancholy that seems to be uncurable.
Earlier in my adolescence I used to have bouts of depression . I remember that I used to sulk the whole day , doing nothing.
The last 5 years that I was in a relationship , I wont say I was as happy as a clown seems to be , I atleast knew what made me sad and depressed .
In those years the reason was always him .
He had made cry like no one else .
But I was happy , I knew the reason why I cried .
I had heard a lot of times that when something big happens , one just loses all senses .
Now I know what it feels like to be numb ….
I used to tell that guy that he is the one property of mine in which I have invested all my emotions. And what happens when you lose all your invested emotions ? what happens that you have been made a fool of for so many years ? what happens when you are suddenly all by yourself in a huge crowd of people you barely know ? what happens when you have to smile , talk , socialize , laugh and be “normal” in front of your parents , friends and relatives and behave as if nothing happened ??
Theres a bubble inside me in which I have stored the answers to all these questions . it is slowly getting bigger each day . the day it will burst , I will no longer live . I will be gone .
The other day I dream that I was in this dark and deep waters trying to fight my way up …only to realize that it was all futile … even though I had the wish , I did not have the capability . I could not swim .
Earlier in my adolescence I used to have bouts of depression . I remember that I used to sulk the whole day , doing nothing.
The last 5 years that I was in a relationship , I wont say I was as happy as a clown seems to be , I atleast knew what made me sad and depressed .
In those years the reason was always him .
He had made cry like no one else .
But I was happy , I knew the reason why I cried .
I had heard a lot of times that when something big happens , one just loses all senses .
Now I know what it feels like to be numb ….
I used to tell that guy that he is the one property of mine in which I have invested all my emotions. And what happens when you lose all your invested emotions ? what happens that you have been made a fool of for so many years ? what happens when you are suddenly all by yourself in a huge crowd of people you barely know ? what happens when you have to smile , talk , socialize , laugh and be “normal” in front of your parents , friends and relatives and behave as if nothing happened ??
Theres a bubble inside me in which I have stored the answers to all these questions . it is slowly getting bigger each day . the day it will burst , I will no longer live . I will be gone .
The other day I dream that I was in this dark and deep waters trying to fight my way up …only to realize that it was all futile … even though I had the wish , I did not have the capability . I could not swim .
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